Limited choices, an understanding husband and #FirstStepAct

1. Good books and bad books. I’m grateful to good books because they are good and to bad books because they make me appreciate the good ones.

2. Fruit, pasta and yogurt. That’s it. That’s all I want to eat right now. I’m hungry every two hours and I don’t mean just peckish I mean stomach-growling ravenous. Every two hours. But the food doesn’t taste the same

3. A very understanding husband. I’m having trouble figuring out what to eat and when and he’s being so patient with me. Not everyone would have been.

4. #FirstStepAct. I tried not to get political on social media but the US senate has passed the first step in a much-needed prison reform and I couldn’t be happier.

5. The Marvelous Mrs Maisel has been renewed for a third season. I don’t think I can wait for a whole year though.

City airport, fish chowder and sleeping on planes

Finally home. I haven’t been away that long, only forty-eight hours, but it’s always good even though sometimes, it wouldn’t hurt him to show some enthusiasm I’m back. It’s in one of those phases where everything I say seems to irritate him. He was annoyed with me because I don’t make up my mind where to go for a short break in Spring even though when I ask him what he wants to do he says he doesn’t know. Marriage is hard. What’s the right thing to do?

1. London City Airport. 35 minutes door to door by public transport. It will never get old.

2. Fish pie that was actually fish chowder. Don’t ask. Still good though.

3. Friends who take you to the airport.

4. Coming home to kittens. The joy. I had missed them both of them even Diana who’s not very affectionate, because my sister’s cat isn’t as well-behaved.

5. Snoozing on planes. In my older age, maybe I’m getting better at sleeping sitting up. That would be revolutionary.

Good news, laughter and a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich

1. When the end of a nasty chapter of your life is finally in sight. There’s a lot I would give right now to rewind back time and find a way to avoid this nasty dispute with my sister, to try and make her see reason, to protect my stepmum and my younger sister. But at least the end might be near.

2. A nice submission. Needs work but it’s good to read something sellable.

3. A bit of good news. My relationship with my career at the moment is quite fraught. I question where I find meaning in my life. But an offer on a book, as small as it is, it’s not to be sniffed at.

4. Laughter. He’s not perfect but he makes me laugh. As long as he keeps doing that, our marriage stands a good chance.

5. A peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich. I’m going to have it for breakfast tomorrow morning and I want it so badly I wish it was tomorrow already.

An unusual breakfast, an airport and a home-cooked meal

I can’t give up on the home stretch. I neglected my gratitude list on Monday and even last night. What’s wrong with me? Gone. Completely clean out of my head. Let me try to make up for it.

1. Pret. I went to buy a salad and a pot of fruit. At the counter I took my headphones off, smiled and said good morning. It wasn’t their fault my flight was delayed. Don’t ask me why but the guy gave me everything free of charge. He said they have a daily budget to use as they please. I was stunned with gratitude.

2. The adaptation of My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante. Oh it looks so good.

3. City Airport. Twenty five minutes door to door is quite amazing. I don’t want to fly from any other airport.

4. Technology. I’m thousands of miles away from home with phone and laptop perfectly functioning it’s like I’m around the corner so to speak.

5. Family that will never turn you down and that will always have your back.

6. Marriage. I have two friends who are going through the wars. I know in my bones they love each other very much and I hope they’ll pull through. God knows, marriage is hard but nothing easy was ever worth sticking with.

7. Renting a car. I breezed out of the airport and got my car so swiftly it made me want to hug them but that would have been inappropriate.

8. Compassion. A really sad episode of my life is hopefully coming to an end today. I should be angry with my sister but I only feel sorry for her and for the hell of bitterness and resentment she must be living with inside her head. I hope she’ll find peace.

9. The bean-growing business is proceeding. I’m excited and curious.

10. Timballo di riso with leftover risotto alla milanese. My stepmum made it and we hoovered it up.

Pasta, helpful memories and the Kominsky Method

1. Pasta. That’s literally all I want to eat at the moment. It will be the death of me and then I won’t have much to be grateful for.

2. The trailer for the Kominsky Method on Netflix. It looks like the witty show that I might enjoy. Michael Douglas still got it. Despite his age he’s still a very handsome man.

3. Warmth. Blankets and chunky cardigans and central heating and cups of tea and hot showers. Especially when the weather outside has reverted to full London mode.

4. WFH. When you don’t sleep well, working from home is such a blessing.

5. Memories. When your husband does something so infuriating like promising to do something and then like a sulky teenager taking so long to do it that you end up doing it yourself, that even he feels sheepish (but not sheepish enough to apologize), memories are good to remind yourself of all the things he does for our family and all the million and one reasons why I love him. Like that time I came home and he had defrosted the freezer without prompting.

A cheeky nap, a yoga class and a bowl of pasta

There’s plenty to be grateful for in a normal Caturday. I know my life appears boring and uneventful and yes, sometimes I wish it was slightly more exciting but at the end of the day there isn’t anything I really miss.

1. I had a cheeky nap around 4 pm after waking up at seven to work, simply because I could.

2. We took the kittens to the vet and they behaved extremely well. One of them popped his little head out of the carrier box while we were on the bus just to watch the world go by. He was so chilled!

3. I went to a mid morning yoga class. It felt like a luxury.

4. I had a bowl of pasta and broccoli, which I’d been craving for days. The husband requested it.

5. I can go to bed early even if it’s not even half ten with a book and a mug of herbal tea. I should try to liven up my social life but maybe next week.

A substitute yoga teacher, the last five years and two books

Today was a good day. In spite of a few annoying little things like the Central line being on strike.

1. Kindness given and kindess received. I’ll never understand people who go out of their way to make others and themselves miserable when actually it would be so easy to give somebody a smile.

2. Dinner at Darjeeling Express in Carnaby Street. It was packed. The food, the service, the attention to details: everything was amazing. The starter of prawns was out of this world.

3. When the substitute yoga teacher is a revelation. I was in a bit of a strop because I made it all the way to Notting Hill to practise with my favourite teacher only to find there was a substitute. So I wasn’t really primed to like her but she was exceptional. Really, really good. I was wonder what people who don’t have a spiritual outlet, for lack of a better expression, do to soothe their own anxiety?

4. The last five years. I can’t say they were blissful because to be perfectly honest they have been at times quite shitty but there’s nobody else I would have wanted to spend them with. And that’s not to be sniffed at.

5. Books, books, books. Asma’s Indian Kitchen by the chef behind Darjeeling Express and Heather Morris’ The Tattooist of Auschwitz. Different but equally good.

The art of the hustle, marmite and wedding pictures

1. Hustling. I feel more like myself today. Something happened in my brain during the two hours I was awake last night because the husband was snoring. I started thinking about all the projects I want to complete. And rather than worrying about the reasons why I don’t seem to make any progresses, what if I just got on with them? Revolutionary thought. It’s about systems, not goals. It’s about repetitive actions over a long(ish) period of time

2. Marmite. How did I ever not like it? I used to hate it. Just the smell made me gag and then one day, years ago, I found myself really craving toast with marmite and that was it. I’ve loved it every since. That and toast with peanut butter and strawberry jam.

3. Our wedding pictures. I’m feeling sentimental today. Maybe it’s our fifth anniversay approaching. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. It was a beautiful day. It wasn’t perfect but there was a lot of love. And you know marriage is hard. Really hard. Harder than you ever imagined on your wedding day. Wedding pictures are important to remind you of why you’re together.

4. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. It’s on Netflix. Just so sweet. Shot in Vancouver. It’s so painful to think how distant I am from the target demographic but I’m really enjoying the resurgence of the romcom. I used to write letters to the boys I liked. Many many many letters. I once dedicated a poem to this super handsome guy when I was at uni. Uni! But everyone nice deserves to receive a love letter at least once in their life.

5. Lemon chicken and couscous. Why are these three ingredients so perfect together?

 

Yin yoga,technology and air travel

Sometimes marriage is unbelievably difficult and you look at each other as if you’ve never seen the other person before. Those days, especially for a pessimist like me, it’s hard to find something to be grateful for. I’m so useless today it’s untrue. I’ve been staring at this webpage for forty five minutes trying to find something I’m grateful for.

1. Yin Yoga. ‘Go to Yin Yoga,’ they said. ‘It’ll be easier,’ they said. Learning to relax and let go into a passive pose is one of the most difficult things ever. But it’s good for my aching wrists.

2. Tomorrow, I guess. Go to bed and do your best to forget the cross words that were spoken. Sleep can be blessed relief in more ways than one.

3. Technology is forking amazing. What the hell did we use to do before the internet? And smart phones? And credit cards?

4. Canada. I’m super excited even though it pains me to leave my beautiful cats. I kn

5. Air travel. Can you actually believe we travel in a metal tin suspended in the air? Literally. When I think about it it blows my mind. It’s insane. We live in a world that would be completely unrecognisable by anyone who was alive even just two hundred years ago.

A winery, a mellow afternoon and a starry night

Whenever I go away on holiday, a friend of mine makes comments such as ‘you’re so lucky’ or ‘I’m so jealous/envious’ and it really gets on my nerves almost as if that’s my goal when booking a holiday, to make people jealous. I never know what to respond. Of the many flaws I have, envy is not one of them. I know I’ve been a bit boring for the past two weeks listing all the things I have to be grateful for while on holiday but having the blog means that I don’t lose sight of how much I have to be grateful for even when my pessimism gets in the way. Life isn’t perfect but there’s a lot that’s great.

1. A winery in the wild: Vassaltis Vineyard with a lovely plate of amuse bouche.

2. A perfect afternoon on Vlychada beach, reading, chatting, laughing, watching the sun go down. It’s really the little things that we’ll remember and that will matter in years to come.

3. People who can learn and change because otherwise what are we on this planet for? Change can come only from a place of acceptance. But change is necessary. The ability to learn and adapt is what makes us human and it’s the secret in my opinion of a happy marriage.

4. An excellent meal on our last evening in Santorini at Maroula Restaurant.

5. A starry sky on a clear night. I miss that in London.